Once Upon an Explosion
by VeeandreaHart
Summary: Leader-sama sent Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Kei to recruit Deidara into the Akatsuki. Kisame and Sasori openly voice their distaste of the newest soon-to-be member, while Itachi remains quiet. Kei, however, feels he could be useful and doesn't hesitate in telling the others, much to their chagrin. Rated T for cuss words and my dirty mind, and Kisame's too. Pairing Deidara/OC. R
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so. This is another Deidara/OC. And I have, like, three more after this one. I love Deidara, so *shrug* get over it. Don't hate on me 'because he loves me more than you. Oh, by the way, Deidara's going to be sixteen in this story.**

**Summary: ****Leader-sama sent Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Kei to recruit Deidara into the Akatsuki. Kisame and Sasori openly voice their distaste of the newest soon-to-be member, while Itachi remains quiet. Kei, however, feels he could be useful and doesn't hesitate in telling the others, much to their chagrin.**

**Note: Sasori and Kei are partners—and Deidara will soon be their partner too—Sasori and Kei have a brother/sister-like relationship. Since Kei has this…thing with fire—and the fact that she's never lost a battle—Sasori calls her Katsu, which, as a name, means 'victorious.'**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but wouldn't it be cool if I did?**

"_I need you four to go and recruit one, Deidara from Iwagakure," Leader-sama said._

"_Sir, why are all four of us going? I mean it's a simple task, we don't need four people to recruit one," I said curiously._

"_You are correct, Kei," Leader-sama nodded. "Itachi and Kisame could very well be the only ones to go and easily apprehend him, but you and Sasori are going to be his teammates, so seeing as he'll probably put up a fight, you two will get to see what he can do."_

"_Okay," I looked around seeing the other three nodding in agreement. "Where will he be?"_

"_He works as a bomber for hire," Leader-sama said. "We have files stating that after he's done his job he goes to this temple," he handed us a picture while still staying in the shadows. Jeez, I have to figure out how to do that! "And stays there over night. His next job is in three days, you have to be at the temple and waiting for him to be there within those three days. Confront him, make the offer, if he refuses, you know what to do."_

"_Hai," the four of us said in unison. Leader-sama gestured for us to leave. _

Walking through the door to the hideout, I feel a small smile appear on my face.

"I don't know about you losers," I said, smiling. "But I'm excited to have someone else to hang out with."

"What do you mean, kid?" Kisame asked.

"Well, you guys get boring to hang out with," I shrugged. "I mean, the only thing fun to do with you, Kisame, is make fun of your sharkiness, but one can only go so far before you try to eat them. Itachi doesn't talk, but you and I both know that he has secret laughing fits when no one's looking," I mock whispered behind my hand, pretending like Itachi couldn't hear me if I blocked my mouth. "And Sasori only talks about his art. It's not fun."

"You just don't know what true art is," Sasori grumbled.

"Well, if art is eternal then you could always see it, and I'm sure seeing the same thing every day for the rest of eternity would get boring. Like seeing your face!"

Sasori—who was in Hiruko so his voice was all deep and stuff—sighed and shook his puppet head. I pride myself on being one of the only ones in the Akatsuki that actually knows what Sasori looks like.

"And you know bothering you guys does get boring. Like Zetsu? He has so many jokes on him, but the white side of him always starts complaining about how mean I was being while the black side of Zetsu threatens to eat me! Not fun."

"Then maybe you shouldn't pick on Zetsu," Kisame pointed out.

"Itachi has some jokes on him, but he doesn't react on the outside," I shook my head. "So it's a waste of time. GOSH! I just want a new friend that will play with me!"

Kisame looked at me waggling his eyebrows flirtatiously. I gagged. "Not like that, Shark Bait! I mean, I want a new friend who…no that sounds wrong too…I want a friend that will mess with…no that sounds really wrong…YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"

Kisame laughed. "Mmhmm, sure I do…"

"Sasori, how long will we get there?"

"A few," he replied shortly.

"A few what? Minutes? Seconds? Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Decades? Leap Years? Eternities?"

Sasori growled at me. "Hours! Hours!"

"How many hours? One? Two? Three? Four? Five? Six? Seven-"

"A few!"

"A few _what_?" I whined. "Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? Millennium-"

"Hours! A few hours!" he growled. "Don't make me poison you while you sleep and turn you into a puppet."

"You wouldn't hurt me," I told him.

"And why is that?" Kisame asked.

"Because he loves me," I giggled. "Even though I don't like his art."

"I wish I could just kill you, but no, Leader says I can't kill fellow members," Sasori murmured.

"Hey, you guys talk too much," I accused them. "Let's play the quiet game! Whoever wins gets whatever they want!"

"I can dig that," Kisame replied.

"Hn," is what Itachi said, and Sasori said nothing.

*Two and a half hours later*

"Are we there yet?" I whined.

"No," Sasori growled.

"How about now?"

"No."

"I'm tired!"

"So?"

"Kisame, carry me!"

"Why would I do that?"

"Itachi'll do it!"

"Hn."

"It's official," I stuck my tongue out at Kisame as I climbed onto Itachi's back. I am also one of the only ones who know Itachi's real past, so I pretend to be the little sibling that hates him—except without the whole hating thing. I pretend to be his loving sibling. "I love Itachi more than you!"

"Can we get going now," Sasori asked being impatient as always.

"Itachi's not going to let me fall, is he?" I asked, slightly scared.

"Nah," Kisame answered. "Itachi loves you. He won't let you fall."

"Well, why wouldn't Itachi love me?"

"Hn."

"I mean, look at me," I continued. "I'm adorable!" I giggled as I wrapped my arms around Itachi's neck. "Besides, Itachi's like my _fun_ older brother. He might not talk and he might not get annoyed when I do stuff to him, but he's fun, unlike my _other _fake brother," I said the last part loudly, sticking my tongue out at Sasori. I'm sure the real Sasori was rolling his eyes right then. "Can we go onward?"

"Hn."

And we were off! Again. We got there in fifteen minutes, all of which I was mostly quiet for. "Itachi, has anyone—like Zetsu—told you that you look delicious?"

He shook his head. "Oh, did you have a secret lover back before you murdered your clan?"

"Not secret, no."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry, Itachi! I'm sorry, I brought up sad feelings!"

"Hn."

"Did you have a sister?" I asked.

"No."

"So, I'm your only sister?"

"You're not really my sister, but sure."

"Well, we're both in the Akatsuki," I said. "We're like a big, dysfunctional family. Except I'll only accept certain people as my siblings, like you, Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu, oh! And Hidan! Pein's like my father in some ways. Hmm, yeah a big happy dysfunctional family of murderers and criminals," I sighed dreamily.

"You're strange," Itachi told me. I giggled in response.

"Okay, will you shut up," Sasori growled. "We're here."

"Yay!" I whisper cheered, jumping down from Itachi's back and walking through the doors of the temple.

"Yeah, don't check for traps or anything," Sasori scolded me. I paused.

"Oh, sorry," I giggled. "I was excited."

"Katsu…" he shook his head.

"Love you…?" I hugged Hiruko—who shook his head.

"You're such a child."

"But that's why you're here," I giggled. "To look after me and protect me and keep me safe. That's what big brothers do."

"Get into your positions and wait for the target to come," Itachi told us, using a commanding voice.

"Wait, aren't we here like…one, two, three…Three days early. He's not supposed to get here for three days," I commented.

"Then we wait," Sasori grumbled. I sighed, looking around. The décor wasn't much to brag about and the scenery outside was just mountains. Inside were multiple statues with angry faces and one on a pedestal with light reflecting on it from a window behind it. I sighed again. This was going to be a long three days.

*Three days of waiting, boredom, and impatient comments later*

"I'm hungry," I whined.

"Shh," Itachi quieted me. "He's coming."

I nodded, taking my position in between Sasori and Itachi in our little line formation, all business. The doors soon opened revealing a boy around my age with long blond hair. "You are Deidara, correct?" Sasori asked.

"Yeah, what's it to you, un?"

"We're from a criminal organization, the Akatsuki, and we were sent here to ask you if you would like to join," Itachi asked casually.

"The Akatsuki?" the boy—Deidara—asked in disbelief. "Don't know and don't care. Now get lost. You're keeping me from my art appreciation time."

"And I have to take this brat on as my partner," Sasori/Hiruko sighed.

"Me too! Me too!" I cheered, hopping up and down.

"Katsu, come down," Sasori growled at me while Itachi said, "Kei, please keep calm."

I nodded at Itachi and ignored Sasori. "Anyway, he's full of energy," Sasori continued. "But he seems the type to die young."

"It's our leader's orders," Itachi said, calmly. "His talent will be very useful."

"What's he do again?" I asked. Kisame sighed, shaking his head, while Sasori explained it to me quietly. "Ooohhh, yeah! We could totally use that.

"You know about my talent?" Deidara asked. "But how? Who are you? Talk."

"we know you're aiding anti-government factions with terrorist bombing," Kisame said. "And we are also aware that you are a rogue ninja. So what exactly is your purpose?"

"Purpose?" Deidara questioned. "I don't need a purpose. I take commissions to make explosions using my art."

Sasori was obviously not pleased, for he said, "Your…art?"

Deidara smirked and reached into a pack that hung from his waist. "Yeah…" he drew out the word. He dropped something onto his palm. It looked like it was made of clay. "Look. Well, such refined likes and a form that pursues two-dimensional deft ford nay, this is true art. But my art goes beyond this as well. My pieces are versatile. While they hold shape, they are merely objects, but they can also explode," he explained, holding up his right hand, showing us a mouth.

_Okay, I don't know if that's creepy or awesome…_

"And when it does explode," he continued. "It makes its existence more sublime. And it finally comes fully into its own," the tongue on Deidara's hand…like, started licking its…lips? I don't even know what to call it. "I feel that true art lives only in that flash of sublimation," his face donned a lopsided sadistic smirk. "TRU ART IS AN EXPLOSION!" he announced.

In my head there was some background music while he was talking that I didn't notice until it stopped and it was completely quiet in the temple. Something he said got me. "Wait, so you're art…is like…fire?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

"Hmm, it's an explosion!"

"Yeah, well, I heard that part, but id there fire?"

"Sometimes, un. It's mainly an explosion!"

"But-"

"Katsu!" Sasori warned me. "Shut up or I will make you into a puppet."

I whimpered and ran to hide behind Itachi. "Protect me, brother!"

"Hn."

"You don't care!" I began fake crying. "My brothers hate me! The horror! No one can understand the immense pain I feel! GGAAAHHHH!"

"Shut up before I kill you," Sasori growled.

"Eep!" I then proceeded to make sure I didn't talk—which was a lot harder then it seems.

Sasori then addressed Deidara. "You can ignore her," I nodded in agreement. "She's stupid."

"Hey! That's mean! Meanie! I'm not stupid! I'm just hyper and sometimes that blocks my thingy-ness process."

"Whatever."

"Just go work on one of your stupid puppets," I mumbled. "Deidara seems very passionate about his art. I like him. Can we keep him?"

"Again he seems the type to die young," Sasori said. "I don't think he'll last long."

"I bet you twenty bucks he lasts longer than you!"

"Do I have to-"

"I don't know," Kisame said. "I think he talks too much. I don't think he'll last long either."

I glared at him. Itachi remained silent.

"Well, I think that Deidara has great potential," I nodded. "Besides it doesn't matter what we want, it's Leader-sama's orders."

"She's right," Itachi nodded.

"And I like his art," I said. "What do you think, Sasori-kun?"

"Disgusting."

I blinked. "That was rude."

"Is he finished babbling yet?" Kisame asked.

"Yet another rude comment," I coted. "Looks like we're on our own with your art, Dei-kun. Itachi doesn't have opinions."

"who knows," Itachi said in reply to Kisame. "Who cares?"

I blinked twice. "Whoa, we really are alone on the topic of your art, Dei-kun!" I shrugged. "Oh, well."

"I'll handle this," Itachi said.

"Oh…" I looked down. "But I wanted to fight him! Itachi-kun, you said I could fight him!"

"It would take too long," he said. I pouted, but nodded understanding.

"Okay then," I looked on. "Sasori, do we have any juice left?"

He handed me a Juicy Juice box. "Is it grape?"

He nodded. "Yay! Oh, hey, can I intrude Deidara's mind to see what's going on?"

"Sure-"

"Deidara, can I please intrude into your mind so I can know what's going on?"

He glanced at me, nodding curtly. _I bet he doesn't even understand what I just asked him._ I reached out, mentally grasping his mind while still being aware of reality.

I began drinking my juice as Itachi activated his Sharingan. _What's up with his eyes? _I heard Deidara think.

I giggled at what he thought, and then explained. "It's his Sharingan, silly," though he couldn't hear me because he was trapped in Itachi's genjutsu. "Maybe I should've said that in his head?"

"You wanna fight?" Deidara asked Itachi, not aware of his being trapped in a genjutsu.

Itachi began talking, "If I win, you'll become a member of the Akatsuki," he said, his face stoic.

"That's fine," Deidara said, taking a fighting stance. "Just don't mock my art. That's what my ninjutsu is, a noble and refined art, hmm."

I grabbed onto Sasori's hand so that he could see what's going on. Kisame, who was also curious, grabbed my other hand.

"Now, feel my art!" Deidara yelled as he through his clay at Itachi, who jumped back, dodging the blow. I marveled at how it exploded when he yelled "Katsu!"

I almost answered him; thinking he was talking to me, but remembered that only Sasori called me that.

I watched as Deidara's clay caterpillar latched onto Itachi. I left Deidara's mind, looking at the reality. Deidara was actually the one caught in the caterpillar. He was about to blow it up, when I nudged Itachi.

"Itachi-kun, stop," I told him.

"If you don't want him to die, stop him," Itachi replied jokingly.

I sighed. "Stupid brother. Stupid manual labor. Walking and wasting my effort!"

"You talk big, but it looks like that's all you've got," Deidara laughed. "You're done."

I poked Deidara multiple times. "It's not working Itachi-kun!"

"Am I?" Itachi asked Deidara. "Maybe you should take a closer look at yourself."

Itachi released Deidara from his genjutsu and realized that he was the one tied up. I couldn't help but giggle at the look on his face. "What?" he grunted out. "How?"

"That was close," Kisame sneered. "A little later and you would've blown yourself up."

"I told you he was the type to die an early death," Sasori said.

"Hey," I snapped. "Remember the both of you got caught in Itachi's genjutsu and almost killed yourselves when you fought him too!"

"Genjutsu," Deidara gasped. "Since when?"

"Right from the beginning," Kisame said. "When you saw Itachi's Sharingan. You were already under his genjutsu then."

Deidara looked at the ground in panic, his breathing coming out ragged. He then winced like he saw a blindingly bright light, and looked towards Itachi's direction.

_Hmm, I kind of want to dance right now, _I thought. _No! shut up! You have to focus! Focus….focus… focus…_

He stared, open mouthed and wide-eyed at Itachi. _I'm quite tempted to go into his head and see what he's thinking,_ I thought once again. _No we might interrupt his little moment here._

_What if Deidara's gay? O_O and he's staring at Itachi __**that**__ way?_

_No, no. I don't think so._

_But I mean, look at his hair! That's a sign of-_

_No! he isn't! gosh, I swear you're so annoying sometimes!_

_I'm annoying? Bitch, I __**am **__you._

_Shut up._

Deidara groaned, holding his face in his hands. He spread his fingers apart and glared up at Itachi. _Okay, now I'm really confused._

_I said shut up._

"You just lost this fight," Itachi said in monotone.

I smirked. "Itachi, I could've beaten him faster," I told him.

"In your dreams, Kei,' he replied. _See? He's so nice to us! He actually talks to us! Isn't that nice for everyone else it's always 'Hn' this and 'Hn' that._

_Hey! Don't make fun of my brother!_

_Who Reign?_

_No, Reign's not a good brother. Reign's not my brother._

_Whatever you say…_

_JUST SHUT UP!_

"Wait, you won, Itachi-kun?" I asked. He nodded. "So Deidara's our new teammate?"

"Wait, I'll be on a team with him, un?"

"What? Oh, no! you'll be on Sasori's team," I told him.

"And hers," Sasori said.

"But I'm usually not allowed to go on missions," I shrugged.

"Why not, un?"

"Because she's stupid," Sasori grumbled.

"Sasori's a meanie, it's actually because Sasori prefers to be alone," I told the newest member of the Akatsuki.

"Yeah, so we'll be going on missions together," Sasori replied, already bored. "Unless, Kei's ankle starts acting up."

"I don't understand why you can't just replace it with puppety-ness," I told him. "I mean, you did it when-"

"Never," Sasori interrupted. "It's a dangerous practice. Half turning you into a puppet."

"Not half, more like one-fourth of me would be turned into a puppet," I told him. Math was my forte. "besides I would be more effective for the Akatsuki if I didn't have a jacked up knee and ankle."

"I'll consult Leader-sama about it," Sasori sighed.

"Yay! Now I'll finally have a fully functioning," I began singing. "_Head, shoulders, knees and toes: knees and toes. Head, shoulder, knees and toes: knees and toes. Eyes and ears and ankles and elbows! Head, shoulders, knees and toes: knees and toes!"_

The four others looked at me oddly, but Kisame was the only one that spoke. "I believe that it's 'eyes, and ears, and mouth and nose.'"

I shook my head. "Nuh-uh!"

The other three nodded their heads in agreement with Kisame. "Well, maybe it is, but Kei made up her own!"

"Kei, please don't start talking in a third person narrative…" Kisame asked.

"So, when are we going home?" I asked ignoring…people.

"Now, I hate keeping people waiting," Sasori said. The four of us made our way to the door. I turned looking at a certain blond.

"Deidara," I looked over at the blond who was just standing there. I gave him an encouraging smile. "Come on."

He nodded reluctantly, and began walking towards me. "It's only a three hour walk, but I have a feeling Sasori will start rushing us," I told him.

"So is Itachi actually your brother, un?" he asked after an awkward silence. "No, and neither are Kisame, Zetsu, Hidan, or Sasori, but I call them my brothers. We should probably catch up to them." I said, nodding at my team. He nodded.

Five minutes of silence passed, when I decided to break it. "Itachi-kun, can you carry me please?"

"Hn."

"Are you going to do this every time we travel together, Katsu?" Sasori asked me.

"Yep!" I nodded.

"Katsu?" Deidara asked.

"In reference of her never losing a battle, ever," Sasori explained. "And for her obsession with fire."

"It's not an obsession," I scoffed. "It's like a hobby…kind of…"

"Yes, sitting in the basement of the hideout, playing with matches is such a hobby."

"I don't play with them!" I yelled. "I simply watch the flame…"

"We should try to be quick about getting back to the base," Sasori said. "We wasted too much time at that stupid temple."

Deidara looked offended as like he wanted to say something, but I cut him off. "Sasori, be nice."

**Oh, yeah! First chapter done! Next chapter is Deidara and Sasori's first fight about what true art is. I'm so excited!**

**Please leave a review. It can even be flames, like I don't care. Tell me if people are OOC. Like anything. Just tell me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okayyyy, next chapter! After this, I think I'll work on Peace Never Waver…**

**Yosh: here is the disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, I only own this plot and my characters, Kei and…there's only Kei. Poor girl, she's all alone.**

"Hey, I'm going to go scout ahead," I told them, jumping down from Itachi's back. I didn't wait for an answer before I began sprinting ahead of them.

Heading back to the base, I kept a vigilant eye out for unknown chakra. I made it back to the base with no trouble, and went to find Pein.

Deciding that at this time of day, he'd probably be in his office, I quickly headed in that direction, only to be stopped by my favorite Jashinist. "Hey, bitch, where are the fucking others? Where's that fucking newbie?" he asked, standing in front of me.

I lowered my head, hiding my smirk. "I…I was just about to go report to leader-sama," I said in a small voice. "Deidara—the one who we were sent to bring into the Akatsuki—he was stronger than we imagined, and…and…" I took a deep shuttering breath. "He didn't want to join, and…when we tried to make him, he…he…"

"What did he fucking do, bitch?" Hidan demanded, impatient.

"He kill them," I whispered, feigning-mortification. "I…I had enough time to get away, but…but he killed Itachi and Sasori and…and Kisame…"

Hidan went unusually quiet before breaking into hysterical laughter. "I knew they'd get their overconfident asses kicked one day," he barked. "I only wish I was there to finish them off."

I hiccupped, hiding my gasp. _Jeez, I knew Hidan wasn't particularly fond of any of them, but seriously? He's laughing!_ "I have to go report to Leader-sama."

I walked by him, my smirk hidden by my straight black hair. _Ha, just wait until they come back and I tell them! Oh, I can't wait to see Hidan's face when they come through the door! _I thought, smiling deviously.

Knocking on Leader-sama's office door, I waited for permission to enter. Hearing Pein say, "Come in," I walked in, bowing in respect.

"Leader-sama," I greeted.

"Where are the others?" he questioned, not looking up from some papers.

""I went ahead, scouting," I told him. "Oh, and I told Hidan that Sasori, Itachi, and Kisame were killed when, in reality, they should be here within the hour."

He nodded. "Very good. What is the status of the newest member?"

"He was…reluctant to join, to say the least," I said. "So Itachi made him a deal. If he could beat Itachi, then we would leave and not bother him anymore. But he was easily defeated by Itachi and, so he's a member."

"Well, not officially."

"What do you mean, Leader-sama?" I asked, curious.

"He'll have to pass the same test that all the newest members have to pass to become official members."

"You mean the battle?"

He nodded. "But since you said he fought Itachi and lost, I suppose-"

"If you don't mind me saying," I interrupted. "Itachi had an unfair advantage."

"How so?"

"Itachi knew Deidara's moves, styles, attacks and relatively all his information while Deidara only knew his opponent's name," I said. "Besides, I think Itachi kind of cheated. He put Deidara under his genjutsu and then made the deal. I think it was an unfair victory."

"Very well," Pein nodded in agreement. "When they returned, the five of you will rest and tomorrow you will fight Deidara."

"Hmm…"

"What is troubling you?"

"I feel that I can easily defeat him-"

"First, never underestimate your opponent. You will fight him at your fullest potential," Pein told me. "Go rest."

"Yes, Leader-sama," I nodded, bowing once more before exiting the room, passing Konan on my way out.

I went upstairs to take a shower, knowing it would be a while before the rest gets here. _Yes! I can finally take a shower without Kisame yelling at me to hurry up!_

Instantly in a happier mood, I started to sing while I washed my hair. For people who don't know me, this will take a while. My hair is part of the reason why I take such long showers.

I don't know how much time passes before I heard the door of the base open. I smirked, going into Itachi's mind.

_Mind if I chill here for a bit?_ I asked him.

_Hn._ Was his reply.

I smirked, same old Itachi.

"Where's Kei?" Sasori demanded of Pein who had met them at the door.

"Kei?" he asked. "I haven't seen her."

_Ooooh, Pein you liar!_

"She said she was going ahead to scout," Sasori growled.

"Perhaps she didn't go ahead to scout," Itachi said.

"What do you mean?" Sasori demanded. "Are you trying to imply that she's a traitor?"

"No, I'm just saying that she didn't go ahead to scout."

"She went ahead to get to the shower first," Kisame growled. "Damn, guess I'm taking a cold shower…" he sighed in defeat.

I laughed, turning off the water. I began drying myself off. I got dressed and semi-dried my hair.

After I was all perfect, I went downstairs and found my team—and Deidara—waiting for me in the living room. "Hey, what's up?" I grinned at Kisame. "Shower's open."

He groaned. "I have to wait for the hot water now don't I?" he replied, crashing on the couch and spreading out on it.

I nodded. "I guess so," I turned to Deidara. "Hey, guess what?"

He looked at me. "What, un?"

"We're…" I paused. "Hold that thought a sec. Hidan! Hidan, GET YOUR WORTHLESS JASHINIST ASS DOWN HERE!" I yelled.

"What are you doing?" Itachi asked in a bored tone.

"Well, see I told him that Deidara killed you three," I shrugged. "And he got all laugh happy, and I want to see his face when he sees you alive."

Itachi nodded while Sasori grunted in annoyance and Kisame had a look of anger on his face. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, BITCH!" Hidan shouted, coming down the stairs.

"I have to show you something, you might want to see it!"

He stopped at the base of the stairs, looking around. "IS IT SOME FUCKING NACHOS? BECAUSE IF IT'S NOT, YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME!"

He froze, looking around. "What are you fuckers doing here? And…who's the shrimp?"

"Shrimp?" I asked, looking around. "I see no shrimp. Are you talking about Kisame? Because, if you are, I think you need to relearn the differences between Sharks and Shrimps."

"How are you fucking alive?" he demanded.

"What do you mean?" Itachi asked calmly.

"The bitch told me that you three died," he growled. "She fucking said that that newbie killed you off."

"The newbie meaning Deidara?" Kisame asked.

"Who the fuck else? So I take it the blond kid is 'Deidara,'" he asked making air quotations.

The four of us nodded. "Deidara, this is Hidan," I told our newest member. "Hidan, this is Deidara."

"He looks like a fucking wimp," Hidan growled scornfully.

"Hey, don't think lowly of me, un," Deidara growled back. "I'll teach you a lesson with-"

"Deidara," I interrupted. "Ignore Hidan. He's a douchebag-"

"Kei, watch your language," Itachi reprimanded me.

"And you, Hidan, stop picking fights with the newbies," I scolded him. "Jashin-sama came to me last night in my sleep and told me to make you stop being rude to your teammates. He also told me that he wanted you to do my laundry, but that's beside the point…"

Pein cleared his throat. "Deidara, it has come to my attention that you were reluctant to accept our offer?" he asked.

Deidara nodded.

"Well, I am your leader for the time being," he continued. "And due to your reluctance to join, you will fight Kei tomorrow at dawn-"

"Dawn," I interrupted. "Dawn? Why dawn? I want my sleep!"

Pein sighed, shaking his head. "Fine, noon-"

"I eat at noon," I interrupted again, earning a glare from Pein.

"What time would be most convenient for you?" he asked me scowling.

"You're asking me to decide? You know I can't make a decision to save my life…"

"Well, you were contradicting everything I said so…" Pein gestured impatiently.

"Umm…how about four…oh three in the afternoon?"

"Four oh three?" Pein asked. "Why must you pick random numbers?"

"Because it's fun to make your life difficult," I shrugged.

"So it's decided, four oh three pm-"

"Wait, what's at four oh three pm?" I asked, feigning confusion.

Pein sighed. "Your fight with Deidara-"

"Why am I fighting Deidara again?"

"Because he insulted your chibi," Pein lied. My eyes widened in disbelief.

"What?" I turned to the blond. "Is this true? What the hell, man! I thought you were my friend! How could I trust you as a partner if you-"

"Kei," Konan interrupted. "He didn't insult me."

"Oh. Pein, you _are_ a liar!" I accused, glaring at him. "I'm sorry, Deidara," I leaned in whispering in Konan's ear. "Thank god you stopped me, I was about to insult his art."

She nodded in response. "Leader-sama," I said, looking at him. he turned to me. "Would Deidara be sleeping in Sasori and my room?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yes," he replied after a few minutes.

"Oh," I said, my mouth forming an 'o'.

"Is there a problem?"

I shook my head, no. "It's only four thirty," Kisame commented.

"That's less than twenty-four hours before I fight Deidara," I added. "Well, bye."

I didn't wait for anyone to respond as I left to my room. Shilling on Sasori's bed while I read is by far my favorite pastime here. I like reading Sasori's notes about his human puppets, but he usually yells at me when he catches me reading them.

I like rooming with Sasori. He understands me a little, and he knows when I like to be alone. He usually picks up on my moods quite well and doesn't push me to talk about things when I don't want to. The only thing that bugs me is since he doesn't need sleep, he stays up all night, working on his puppets.

I sat in the room alone and reading for a couple hours before the door opened, revealing Sasori and Deidara. "What are you reading, Kei?" Sasori growled out in warning. I flipped over on his bed, hiding the papers underneath his pillow with my mad awesome ninja skillz!

"Nothing!" I grinned. "You know I can't read…"

"You're one of the best readers here," he retorted. I looked down, guiltily.

"Okay, I might've been reading your papers that you always yell at me when I read," I looked up innocently, smiling.

He sighed as he entered the room. "I can't wait to get out of Hiruko," Sasori said. Deidara was looking at him confusedly while I looked at him suspiciously. "Do you mind?" Sasori demanded. "You don't see me looking at the two of you while you change!"

I ducked my head down, embarrassed. "Well, it's not like you're naked in there," I murmured.

"You know what?" he said, putting Hiruko in the corner.

"What?" I looked at him expectantly.

"You and the brat can share a bed," Sasori told me.

"The brat being…Deidara?" Sasori nodded. "Whoa! No! what if he tries something, Sasori? What kind of big brother are you?"

"Better you than me," he said, shrugging.

"I should've let the little kids eat you," I mumbled. "Okay, Deidara, this is your side of the bed and this is mine-"

"Katsu," Sasori addressed me. "That's my bed."

I blushed. "Oh, right. Why can't Deidara take your bed? It's not like you sleep anyway…"

He laughed in response. "If I lose my virginity because of this…" I threatened.

"If you have a child, I'd better be the godfather-"

"Oh, trust me, you won't be! It's be Itachi because he's a better big brother than you!" I stuck my tongue out at him. noticing Deidara standing awkwardly in the corner, I motioned him forward.

"Don't worry, un. I won't try anything, yeah."

"I know," I grinned. "Hey, can you do me a favor? I need you to carry me to our bed."

He tilted his head in confusion. "But it's only two feet away, un?"

"Sasori gets mad at me when I jump on the bed," I shrugged. I lifted my arms up. "Please?"

"I don't think so, un," he shook his head, lying down on my side of the bed.

I made this weird squawking noise. "No! that's my side! Sasori tell him!"

"Why don't you get your favorite big brother to do it?"

"Meanie!" I stuck my tongue out at him, clambering off the bed and pushing Deidara onto the other side. Lying down I pouted, turning to the blond. "My side! Mine!" and poked him.

He rolled his one visible eye and turned over so that his back was to me.

I pouted. "Goodnight, Deidara! Goodnight, Sasori!"

"Goodnight, un…"

"GOODNIGHT, ITACHI!" I yelled to Itachi in the room next door.

I heard a faint "Hn." In reply.

"GOODNIGHT, KISAME! GOODNIGHT, HIDAN! GOODNIGHT-"

"shut up," Sasori growled.

"Tobi!"

I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

**Wow! I finished the second chapter! Yosh! I am so excited! Next chapter's the fight scene, and then there's a time skip to when Deidara's inventing his eyepiece or something…**

**Please review! I like those!**

**Until next time, friends!**

**Vee**


	3. Chapter 3

**GAH! I'VE BEEN NEGLECTING EVERYTHING! YOSH, I'M SOOOOO SORRY! Jashin, I really want some pudding now…**

**So I joined the musical, I'm a PA 'cause I'm that awesome! So that's taking up a considerable amount of time, and I've recently discovered Bleach…and now I'm obsessed…that takes up a lot of time, oh and EPIC NEWS! I no longer have to watch the English subbed versions of certain Naruto episodes that have my favorite blond bomber! Cause I bought the last episodes of his life! Now I can watch it in English…**

**That makes me happy…let's see…um….oh yeah! I was giving excuses as to why I haven't updated in forever…well, I've been having problems with some of my friends. I mean I can understand if they don't like what I like, but they don't have to make fun of me because of it nor do they have to call me names. It's immature and aggravating…**

**Let's see…my bestest friend EVER! Who happens to be a Narutard just like you and me! Is Ayukazi with Kitty and we've been talking for like…ever and she's gonna give me a super awesome chapter of TNS for my birthday. If you haven't checked out Teen Ninjas: Starlets, you HAVE to! Wanna know why? Cause I'm in it…well…not me, but Kika…Kika's in it…and Deidara! Deidara is in it too! I've made sure of this!**

**Disclaimer: I… d…o… n….o….t… o…w…n… n…a…r…u…t…o… b…u…t… I… d…o… o-**

**Sasori: GET ON WITH IT! You know how I hate being kept waiting…**

**Me: I… d….o…n…t… k…n…o…w…. w…h…a-**

**Sasori: …**

**Me: What was I saying?**

**Deidara: you were talking about how incredibly sexy I am, un.**

**Me: not you, darling. Just your hands.**

**Deidara: darn it, un…**

**Gai: VEE DOES NOT OWN NARUTO, BUT HOW INCREDIBLY YOUTHFUL WOULD THAT BE?**

**Yeah…anyway…that was disturbing…**

**Sasori: and an extensive author's note, get on with it!**

**Me: eep! Onward with the story!**

I jerked upward, terrified, looking around only to find that I was still in my room in the Akatsuki base. In fact, I was still in bed, and Sasori was still sitting in his little corner working on his dolls.

"They're puppets," Sasori's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"What?"

"You were narrating everything that is in the room again," he replied, not looking up from his dolls. "You're doing it again…"

"Eep! Sorry!" I rolled out of the bed, falling on the floor. "Ow! Who moved my pillows?!" I demanded, standing up.

I heard a groan coming from my bed and I shrieked, making Sasori wince. "NII-SAN! NII-SAN! THERE'S A STRANGE FEMALE IN MY BED! HELP MEE! AAAAHHH!"

I started running over to Sasori, but he stood up, holding out his hand, effectively stopping my rush towards him. "That's not a strange female. That's Deidara, the new member…you're supposed to fight him tonight? Does any of this ring a bell?"

I shook my head.

Sasori sighed. "He has mouths on his hands…"

I slapped him in the face. "Shut the front door! I remember!" Sasori growled, swatting me away as I tried to hug him.

"You're such a brat…"

I pouted before skipping over to the bed, patting Deidara on the head. "Good morning, favorite artist of mine!" I heard Sasori murmur something under his breath, but I didn't care enough to listen.

"Morning, un…" Deidara replied, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"You would think that Deidara would be the one confused, waking up next to a strange girl in a strange room and all…" Sasori commented.

"I'm not strange!" I snapped defensively.

"Wait a minute, un…" Deidara thought for a moment, looking back and forth between Sasori and me before staring intently at me. "Did you call me a girl, un?"

I blinked, thinking over everything I said this morning.

"_Playing with his dolls…"_

"_Who moved my pillows?!"_

"_NII-SAN! NII-SAN! THERE'S A STRANGE FEMALE IN MY BED! HELP MEE! AAAAAHHHH!"_

Oh, that's right… "Yeah…I did…I'm sorry!" I grinned, tapping him on the head again before pausing, my hand resting on the top of his head.

"What's wrong, Kei?" Sasori asked, glancing over at me.

"Silky…" I grinned, running my hands through Deidara's long hair. "So…soft…mmm…."

I began humming while both Deidara and Sasori stared at me like I was a complete idiot. "Kei, it's time for your morning lesson," I heard Itachi say through the door. I grinned, releasing Deidara's hair before making me way to the door, pausing.

"I'm forgetting something…?" my eyes widened. "Oh, I almost forgot! My morning luck!"

I rushed to Sasori's side, pecking him on the cheek. "Have fun with your dolls, nii-san!"

"They're puppets, Kei..." Sasori reprimanded me, but I waved him away before skipping through the door, opening it first—mind you!

"Itachi-nii! Itachi-nii!" I called, walking down the halls, though I knew he was at our training grounds. "Itachi-nii-san?! Where fore art thou, Itachi-nii!?"

"Kei, you know he's at the training grounds," Kisame sighed, coming out from the kitchen with a rice ball.

I grabbed his hand, pulling it to my face before taking a bite of his rice ball. "Mmmm, yummah," I smirked. "Itachi-nii made this…"

"Hey, how do you know that _I _didn't make it?" Kisame asked, defensively.

"Because Itachi-nii makes the bestest rice balls in the world!" I giggled twirling around. "Now I have to go meet him at training ground…number…"

"Three," Kisame offered. I snapped my fingers, pointing at the blue man.

"That, Kisame-nii-san, is exactly what I was going to say!"

"No it wasn't," he replied. I let my head fall, sniffling slightly.

"You're right, but…" I looked up at him, smiling. "I still had a pretty close guess!"

He laughed. "I'm sure you did, Kei…"

"See you later, Kisi-nii!" I waved, walking down the hall before pausing. "When's my meeting with Pein-Chichi?"

"After your fight with Deidara," Kisame told me.

"Oh…I forgot about the fight…guess I'll have to train really hard today!"

Kisame laughed. "Or train not hard at all so as to conserve your energy…" he suggested.

I pointed at him again. "That, my honorable-nii-san, is a fantabluous idea!" I raced down the hall, exiting the base and coming into a large clearing that was separated into six sections, marked off by a tiny fence.

"ITACHI-NII?" I called out. Wind blew, rustling the leaves of the trees and pushing my hair front of my face, blocking my vision.

I spun around, throwing my foot out, feeling it connect with flesh. I heard Itachi grunt before he grabbed my ankle, throwing me across the clearing. I spun midair and landed on my feet, skidding backwards and bumping into something.

I turned around slowly and stifled a scream, falling backwards. Pein reached out and grabbed my shoulders, steadying me. "You should really save your energy for your real opponent today," Pein told me.

I grinned widely. "Papa!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms around him.

"Let go of me…"

"But, Papa, I love you!"

"Kei…"

"Papa," I grinned.

"One…two…three…" I let go of him quickly.

"Sorry, Papa!" I apologized. He nodded. "When's the fight?!" I asked, getting pumped up, bouncing on the balls of my feet.

Pein sighed, looking around. I mimicked him and found all the other members of the Akatsuki—and Deidara—was standing around us in a perfect circle. "Right now," he said, gesturing for Deidara to step forward.

He began walking over hesitantly which made both Kisame and Sasori impatient. They grabbed both of his arms and walked him over, depositing him in front of me.

I grinned. "My name isn't for nothing, Katsu. It's not a lie. I've never lost one battle," I told him, adopting a serious attitude. "Leader-sama, what are the rules?"

"Fight like you would if you were enemies. Hold nothing back and aim for the kill," he stated, walking backwards ominously to take Deidara's place in the circle.

I nodded sharply, turning to face my opponent. "State your names," Konan said calmly, taking her place by Pein.

"Deidara."

"Kei Toruru," I said, taking a fighting stance.

"Remember, Kei, to manage your breathing," Itachi told us.

Right…breathing, focus…._one, two, three, in…one two three, out…_I counted off, spacing my breathing out.

Deidara hid his hand behind his back before throwing a clay like thing at me. I smirked; he did this to Itachi too. Does he really underestimate me that much? That he thinks that I won't fall for something that one, I had already seen with my own eyes, and two, Itachi had evaded with ease.

I dodged the clay, flipping over his head. I landed on the tree behind him, focusing my chakra into my feet. He turned around and faced me, grinning slightly. I glared in return.

Pushing myself off the tree, I flew at him and aimed a chakra powered kick at his head. He jumped back, but wasn't fast enough and my foot connected with his stomach.

He flew backwards causing the Akatsuki members that were in his path to move away swiftly and he crashed into a tree trunk, blood pouring out of his stomach.

Deidara winced and his hands spit out a fluid form of his clay and it wrapped around his torso and hardened into a flexible bandage. He stood up swiftly, not even wincing.

I felt something cold grab my ankle. I tried jumping away, but I vaguely heard Deidara shout, "Katsu!"

The bomb blew up, my entire leg with it. I winced as I landed on the ground, face first. I growled. No one has ever landed a hit on me, ever. And he blows up my leg? As if it was nothing.

I clenched the grass tightly between my fingers before pushing myself up roughly, leaning on the tree to stay upright.

I glared at Deidara as Sasori and Itachi began to make their way towards us, but Pein stopped them. "No interference."

"You blew up…my right leg…" I stated, changing my face to look neutral.

Deidara remained silent and threw another one of his clay things at me. I glared, pulling myself up onto the tree trunk and throwing myself off of the tree and landing behind Deidara and crumpling into a heap, grabbing Deidara's ankle and yanking him down.

He landed on his butt, immediately throwing his hands into his waist packets. I threw kunai at him, throwing his hands back. I grabbed both his ankles and pulled him towards me, ripping the packs off of him, throwing them behind me. I held my kunai knife up threateningly.

_I should cut his fucking hands off_, I growled mentally.

Deidara held up his bleeding hands, the liquid clay shooting out and wrapping me completely except for my face. I struggled against it, but found I could barely move.

Deidara made his hand sign. "Kat-"

Pein Ultimate Pushed him to prevent him from saying more. "That's enough."

Deidara stood up from the ground, dusting himself off and he smiled warmly at me which I returned with a glare.

His clay melted off of me. I turned myself over to lie on my back, glaring at the sky. A hand appeared in front of my face which I ignored.

"Kei?"

I ignored him.

"Leave her be, Deidara," Itachi said calmly, trying to push back his anger at my new handicap.

"Sasori-nii…" I mumbled, lifting my hand into the air before letting it drop.

"What is it?" Sasori asked, coming over to me in Hiruko.

I lifted my arms, pouting and making whimpering noises. Sasori sighed, exiting his human puppet. He stepped out of it and picked me up. "Kakuzu, stop the bleeding," Pein commanded. I shook my head. "What's wrong?"

"Sasori-nii will make me all better!" I told him, resuming my childish behavior.

**Whoa! Again I am soooo sorry for the lateness! I hope this semi-made up for it, but you know, it's okay if it didn't. I'm just such a good procrastinator and I'm not motivated, but now I enjoy this story a little bit more and I'll try to update A.S.A.P.!**

**So…is Kei gonna be okay? Is everything gonna be all better? You don't know, but I do! So…yeah review, please? **

**Funny story! I actually forgot about this story but then a **_**review**___**that was left by a guest reviewer reminded me about it and said something along the lines of 'So I guess this is a forgotten story' or something like that and I was like "No! it isn't! I'm just really busy!" and I wanted to tell said reviewer, but I couldn't reply to it because the reviewer was a guest so…THE NEXT CHAPTER WAS BORN!**

**Loves and hugs, my ever faithful minions,**

**Vee **


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